by Carlos Augusto Chamarelli
Hi everyone, it’s me yet again after a long break, which isn’t over, actually. This isn’t a real article as I still need to write one properly, this is merely me passing by to drop my thoughts on the latest controversy of the dinoverse, that is, the revelation that Jurassic Park 4 would not feature feathered dinosaurs.
This sole comment sparked the rage of dino-fans everywhere and incited then to rant and slit their wrists over it. And I’m here today, as a good dino-fan, to post my opinion too, which is as follow: So what?
First of all, it’s not like Jurassic Park was accurate to begin with: the T.rex had the wrong skull shape and was basically blind, the Velociraptors are super intelligent and really meant to be Deinonychus, there’s the rearing Brachiosaurus that produced one of the most magical moments in movie history and there was the complete twisting of what a Dilophosaurus looks like.
You know who you are. Extracted from jptoys.com
But as I stated in previous articles, what made Jurassic Park so special is that, despite their glaring inaccuracies, the way they meld to the scenery and the details in their models, real or CGI, made them incredibly realistic and life-like. Everybody loved it no matter what, even without this “fair for its time” crap because even then we knew the dinosaurs there were off.
Not to mention that if they did decided to put feathered dinosaurs in the new sequel, they would have a hell of a hard time explaining just why.
“Oh, but see, they evolved between movies!”
How is that even remotely explanatory? If that’s how it went then they are Pokémons, not dinosaurs!
“So how do you explain the different dinosaur colors in The Lost World”
Have you been NOT paying attention in the first movie? The dinosaurs were able to change genders thanks to the idiot-ball move of messing the dino-DNA with amphibian DNA, because they are obviously fish. The supposedly “new” colors we saw in the sequels are the male individuals making an appearance, not replacements of the older looks. This is supported by the fact that we do see some of the females again, such as the T.rex and Raptor both sporting their drab, brown-colored skin as they appeared in the first movie.
And I shall use Comic Sans to taunt those who whine about Comic Sans.
Also, why does everybody hate this movie? Is it because of Kelly? It’s because of Kelly, isn’t it?
“What about JP3?”
Screw JP3, it’s a fanfiction in movie format. The male Brachiosaurus looks like it’s covered in mucus. (But I liked the Corythosaurus and Ankylosaurus)
Seriously, I can’t stand you in Operation Genesis without mods, and even then nothing fixes your darn neck. Extracted from jurassicparkwikia.com
Anyway, in JP3 we are presented some contradictions from previous movies; for instance we have toothed Pteranodons in a giant cage as opposed to the free flyers that appear for a few seconds at the ending of The Lost World. And then there’s the Raptors. What we see in JP3 Raptor’s is in fact a poor previous attempt to please the paleo-nazis (read: the “not accurate, thereof it sucks” variety of dino-fans, which I admit are the main reason I stay away from forums and such) by putting feathers on dinosaurs.
As far as their definition of “feathers” goes… Extracted from liveauctioneers.com
On top of that their colors were revamped, with the males being blue with a white streak and the female is yellowish white with dark brown spots. That was bad for continuity. Unless this was meant to be a new species or some BS of that caliber, there was absolutely no good reason to put them there other than make the movie grow even more apart from the franchise that it already did in its own. And that’s exactly would happen if they appeared fully feathered in the new sequel. It goes something like “they changed it, now it sucks/they didn’t changed it, now it sucks” situation, so they might as well be true to the original.
Actually, that’s an interesting point. People always complain about the discrepancies between the novels and the movies, and wished the movies were like the novesl. That too would imply making unfeathered dinosaurs. Or worse, making Tyrannosaurus have to stay in the shadows during the day because of the sensitive skin. That was honestly the worst thing I’ve ever read.
So my point is: complaining about JP4 dinosaurs being unfeathered is just as silly as complaining that the new Star Wars movies will sound effects in space battles like its predecessors. Just imagine how fun-packed that would that be the other way around.
What’s the fun in doing fiction if you can’t go wild with it? It’s called science FICTION, people, PLEASE. The very definition of fiction says it’s “an imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.” I.e.NOT NECESSARILY REAL. If you can’t understand what this means then perhaps you should too abstain from watching other sci-fi movies? Then it’s no Star Wars, no Back to the Future, no Star Trek, no Alien, no Predator, no Alien vs. Predator, no The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, no Spider-Man, no nothing for you. All you have are boring romance movies that are just as fictious and other films that offer no escape from reality whatsoever.
If you complain about the dinosaurs being unfeathered are unrealistic, what about the whole concept of Jurassic Park itself? After all there’s the terrible, terrible news that ancient DNA doesn’t survive that long.
And I know it’s kind of ironic to dismiss the “they evolved in the meantime” BS and then defend the “fiction” in “science fiction”, but remember, you’re the one complaining about realism in the first place.
“Oh, you’re just saying that because you’re old-fashioned as heck and like scaly dinosaurs.”
Yes, I do like scaly dinosaurs. That doesn’t mean I’ll show a JP Raptor if someone asks me what a Velociraptor really looked like, just as I won’t refer to Megapnosaurus as Syntarsus, despite the latter name being much better.
The beetle Syntarsus thing doesn’t even have a decent picture on the internet, so here’s a picture of Megapnosaurus when it was still Syntarsus instead. Extracted from dinossaurosecia.blogspot.com
So you know what I will do when Jurassic Park 4 hit the screens? I will WATCH it. I’ll watch it with an open mind, disregarding other’s generic contempt and the movie that came before it. And who knows, maybe even if it ends up being as retarded as some expect I’ll enjoy it, just like I enjoyed other movies that everyone labels as horrible.
Deal with it. Extracted from imdb.com
So these are my opnions regarding the future installment of the Jurassic Park franchise. As usual, questions, compliment, critics or whining goes into the comments, and I’ll do my best to answer. And don’t worry; a decent article will be posted. Eventually.